A word and a walk
by PrincessMiss
Summary: One-shot. Regina's first night after the return of Marian, toughts and feeling comes back to the surface...


**It's my first attempt and English is not my native language so you may find some mistakes, feel free to point them out...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything...**

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"Mama"

That was the word that broke her heart. It wasn't that Roland had ever called her "mama" but it was the word that made her realise that is was no longer wanted. Robin had back his wife and Roland had back his mother. She didn't fit eanywhere in their lives, not anymore.

Looking at him one last time trying to memorise his face, his piercing blue eyes and his softt lips. Those were the same lips she was kissing just minutes ago. Without a word she turns towords the door of the diner. The bell rings as she walks outside, she feels cold but thats probably because of the cold she feels in her heart. She doesn't turn back and no one comes after night is silent and she is grateful for that because a loud noise is going to only prove that everythink is real and she doesn't want that she doesn't want any of that.

She stands in front of the white door and stares at it. The white reminds her of innocence, the only characteristic that her heart lacks and will never have. A change of color is easy with her magic and for a moment she considers it but what's the point in changing a colour when the fact of her heart remains...

That moment Regina remembers the picnic they shared earlier and she doesn't feel hurt or anger she just feels nothing. Closing the door she walks towards the stairs without looking to the fireplace. The bedroom is dark and she doesn't light it. The darkness suits her mood and her heart because with or without light magic her heart will always be black.

She sits on the bed thinking that things between her and Robin didn't reach the bedroom, thank god for that, but at the same time she wishes they had. Maybe that way she would have had a memory to remember him, a good one. She thinks of the moment she walked out of the diner the fact that she tried not to look at Robin hugging his not-so-dead wife, she didn't want it to be her last memory of him because it would be, at least for some time. Regina just thiks of their last kiss so perfect and she promises to herself that she will never forget it.

Then again maybe its better to forget, forget everythink they ever lived together, every glance they shared and every word they spoke to each other. You can't miss something that was never yours and Robin was hers ever for a short time so the only solution is to forget. A potion of forgetting is the thing she needs a simple potion that will help her and her broken heart.

Without even standing she transports herself to her vault and start searching for the right ingredients a bottle here, a small box there until she has everything ahe needs. For a seconds she reconsiders her actions but her determination is doesn't let her back down, not now not ever. Regina keeps repeating that the erased memories won't effect any other aspect of her life but deep down she knows that the moment she will drink that potion nothing will be the same. So she takes the potion with her and is ready to magic herself out of the vault and straight to her house when she decides that wants to walk back home. It's late and no one is going to be out so she starts walking slowly towards the house. She doesn't take the short route instead she walks aroud Storybrook like a ghost of the past.

First, she goes to the beach she takes of her shoes and walks barefoot. She can recall the first time she came here she had thought that it was beautiful so she had made it her place and every time wanted to relax she came here. It was the first place she had visited with Henry when she had first brought him to Storybrook and over the years they came here quite often. Now in the middle of the night even with only the moon casting some light to the sea the whole scenery felt the same for Regina, even though it looked different in the dark it still gave her the feeling of calmness. Back in the Enchanted Forest she had never seen the ocean and that was the reason she was so fond of this place from the beginning.

She takes her shoes off and walks on the soft sand she lets the cold, almost freezing, water touch her feet and closes her eyes. Her mind is blank and she is grateful for that. She goes deeper and her water touches her knees. The cold travels from her knees to her stomach and meets another kind of cold, the one in her heart. She opens her eyes and almost lzuvhs with herself because she can only imagine what the residents of her little town would think of her if they ever saw her like that. See can see herself in her mind and only one word applies to the situation, crazy. Yes she definitely looks crazy.

She comes out of her reverie and shivers, maybe she should get out of the water before she cathes a cold or any think worse. But she remains thre her feet numb from the cold, her whole body shivering and her breath visible in the night. When she finally decides to leave she holds her shoes and starts walking towards the town leaving behind the endless sea. As it seems walking is good for Regina it helps her to not think and thats why she doesn't really pay any attention to where she is heading. That's only until she stands before the town park, her feet just stop moving. She recalls all the moments she has spend here with Henry when things weren't so complicated and she was the only mother Henry had ever known. These were happy times and she holds to that time.

She doesn't have the strength to sit there for much longer so she starts walking again, barefoot on the streets of Storybrook she can feel the dirt and the small rocks under her feet but she doesn't care so she keeps walking. Just a few meters before she reaches the house she stops seemingly in the middle of nowhere but she stares ahead of her. There are only trees for anyone else but she can see beyond the trees in the forest where so many things had happend between her and Robin. The first time they had met almost in the same way they had met in the Enchanted Forest, maybe she should have kept that arrow as a reminder. The tree they had sat together reading her Rumpelstiltskin's letter and then the moment she decided to trust him with her heart, it was an instinctive decision made for her but she never regretted it.

But her most priced possession of that forest is the moment they shared their first kiss, the moment she decided to take the risk, because that's exactly what it was, a risk that she never should have taken. She could still vividly remember every little detail, the warmth from the fire that was burning like a live creature, the feeling of his hands on her hair and her face it was like nothing she had ever felt and then his mouth on hers was the best thinks she had ever experienced in her whole life. They were both burning alive with desire.

She shuts her mind because after years of practice she can do that and starts running towards her house she doesn't stop, not even to properly open the front door with her keys instead she uses magic, she goes straight to her bedroom and just drops on the bed. Her heart is racing but after a while she is calm again. She knows she won't be able to get any sleep but she needs to, she needs the darkness that comes with the sleep, so the shuffles through the small cabinet in her bathroom until she finds the bottle with the sleeping pills. She takes two and goes back to bed. When she feels the effects of the pills starting to take over she is relieved and she doesn't fight it. The next day is going to be a difficult one for her.

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**Thanks for reading...I would really like to know your opinions so...leave a review !**


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